This is a LOADED question. Every first time mommy has a different journey to becoming a mom, every brand new brand new mommy has a different journey into motherhood. With all of that going on there are still some things that all new mommies should know (I think).
1. Your Baby is an Individual.
Obviously we all know that no two people are alike. This goes for babies, just because they are brand new and can’t speak yet and are all wiggly with tiny muscles does not mean they aren’t human and don’t have a personality. They absolutely have a personality and likes as well as dislikes. You can read all the books in the world but that still doesn’t prepare you for WHO your baby is.
Don’t freak out, that may sound scary but in actuality it’s a good thing. It can be magic if you let it. Learning all about your new baby is your only job in postpartum. My best piece of advice is OBSERVE. When baby cries observe body language, what is baby doing? What does baby’s cry sound like? I’m not saying let baby cry a long amount of time but just watch and see. Babies have different cries for different needs. (Also read the baby whisperer, this helps you to get to know YOUR individual baby.)
2. Be Flexible.
For those first few weeks night and day are wildly similar. Baby doesn’t know how to read a clock, so pottying and feeding and sleeping happen whenever baby feels like it. (I wish that was me sometimes!). With your new baby, and your new job of learning your baby, try not to make concrete plans. While some babies are naturally laid back, others are higher maintenance. Since you can’t predict your baby, and even if your baby is laid back you are brand new at this job. You want to take it easy on yourself.
The great thing about this time warp is you are literally in a honeymoon phase with your baby. At least, I am. It’s an obsession really. Just staring at your baby, being proud that you are the only one who can comfort your baby. This brand new person you have waited a long time for (some of us a super super long time) needs YOU. This new person is beautiful (obviously because it’s your baby) and they have cute little quirks that you can’t get enough of and that’s why getting up in the middle of the night and showering at 2pm is worth it and actually quite sweet.
3. It is Overwhelming.
Yes it’s overwhelming in obvious ways. Sleep deprivation, the steep learning curve that is your precious new one. That’s not what I am talking about here. I’m talking about from the moment you see your baby’s face for the first time until you settle in to forever. It’s this deep well of love that has no bottom. It is never ending, and it is from all around you. It can feel almost uncomfortable. For me I fell so hard and fast in love with my baby (and again with our newest precious gift) that I felt crazed. Nearly out of breath sometimes. I was so head over heels in love with this tiny baby, I had never felt something so intense so fast before. I definitely wasn’t prepared for it. It was sometime around when he turned 3 months that I felt comfortable in my new skin. I read somewhere recently that motherhood is loud, even when they are sleeping. That is the truth. When they are awake they are cooing, and crying, and giggling, and talking. When they are asleep it is your mind. Are they breathing? Should I wake them to eat? Is that a normal noise? Is that a normal face? Then when they are older the questions get deeper. Should I spank? should I not? Did I teach him/her enough today? Did he eat well enough? All those questions are love…overwhelming, deep, never ending love. It is real and powerful and you do need to settle into that responsibility and feeling.
4. This IS Your Most Important Work
By far this is the most important thing you will ever do with your life. You are raising a HUMAN being. A person who will grow up and either make the world better or worse. Your job can not be bigger. It is both and honor and a responsibility to do it well. You can’t do this job well without allowing yourself to change. You will learn patience, selflessness, gentleness, and kindness. The learning process can be painful sometimes as you make mistakes and sin against your child. The only thing I can offer is that your child loves you so far beyond what you feel you are worth and they are champs are forgiving. People have always told me I would be a great mom and that I’m so patient with kids. Maybe that’s true, maybe I am more patient than most. Having a high energy, strong willed, wild and impulsive toddler has seriously tested that. I think I am learning more and more each day about even more patience. The key is to ALWAYS try to see from their perspective. I believe my kid is good hearted, and *most of the time is not intentionally being disobedient. Like I said, he is high energy and impulsive. I also believe that what we believe about our children is what they end up believing about themselves. I make a point of telling him that I think he is smart and funny and sweet and brave. Every day I tell him “I like you and I love you.” You know what? He believes it, and he believes so much of what I say about him that he says “Is this ever gonna end?” I’d say I’m doing my job if my kid knows he is valued in our home.
Don’t take that to mean we don’t discipline because we do. There will be respectful talk and behavior but it’s a two way street. We are learning the fruits of the spirit together.
To all you new mommies, and mommies to be out there. Get your tiger stripes on. You are about to learn what you are capable of and, believe me, it is far more than you can imagine.
~B
mamavida 